“Enough is enough,” said Frankenstein’s monster, who is serving as their spokesman.
“All we want is an even playing field. Santa Claus breaks into every house in the world once a year. The Easter Bunny is responsible for rampant tooth decay and child obesity. No one gets bent out of shape about them.”
“And yes, I can speak. I don’t just groan like a blathering green idiot.”
From perceived inaccuracies to claims of all out slander, the monsters say their reputations are ruined. The Creature from the Black Lagoon couldn’t contain his emotions as Frankenstein’s monster read a prepared statement.
Behind his murderous stare lies an inescapable
prison cell of the mind.
"Look, I’ve made mistakes in the past,” interrupted Mr. Lagoon. “I’m not perfect. But when I hear news anchors use the word ‘monster’ to describe terrorists, psychopaths, and rapists, that’s just not fair.”
The timing of the monster delegation’s news conference is no coincidence. The month of October is bustling with haunted houses, haunted trails, haunted hayrides, and other activities which may or may not be haunted. The monsters say they used to look forward all year to the Halloween limelight, but not anymore.
Leatherface, calm voice of
reason.“It gets old seeing the same mistakes every year,” added Leatherface. “I checked out a so-called ‘haunted cavern’ last year and found their imitation of me wielding a Ryobi brand chainsaw. Chop people up, make masks out of their skin and cook their bodies in chili? Yes. Put hard-working Americans out of work by using a Japanese brand chainsaw? Not in a million years.”
Frankenstein’s monster says his group members aren't hiding from what they are, but simply trying to set the record straight.
“We’re monsters. This is what we do. But we’re not to blame for all of the world’s ills. We’re not friggin’ lawyers, people.”
