Schneider describes the woman, a 34-year old mother of two, as “a grade-A MILF with an ass like a stack of cinnamon waffles.” Schneider offered the unusual comparison in front of a drunken gathering of friends after a competitive round of flatulent brinkmanship. He went on to describe in lurid detail his ideas of a "welcome wagon" gift for the woman, all of which involved coitus and many of which involved midgets in clown costumes.
It is not the first time Schneider has hypothesized familiar relations with an otherwise disinterested woman who has never spoken to him. Schneider is known for frequently conducting informal inter-office polls to determine which coworker is “the hottest” or “the least hot.” Although he has not formally organized his data, the poll answers have remained unchanged in the 40 times he has posed the question since last month.
A friend of Schneider’s quickly echoed his carnal intentions with the woman. However, the gathering tabled a vote on the woman’s “fuckability” in favor of discussing the latest in mixed martial arts pay-per-view entertainment.
The issue may come up again next week when Schneider once again attempts to rank the “top five women who are so fucking hot but don’t act all stuck up about it.”
